The 'lissa team:

The starting VI:

Peter 'Big Ears' De - Sondberg. (Cpt)

The skipper.

One of the founding members of Inter Melissa way back in 2008, 'Pedro' was soon established at captain and manager. With his extra lare ears, De-Sondberg is well placed to hear all of Vice-Captain Ali Walker's whinging and moaning and turn that source of power into a well balanced view rendering him one of the better managers in the league.

Ali 'Sky' Walker.

Up boss' arse.

Vice-Captain Ali Walker was picked up as a youth player by De-Sondberg in mid-2008. His lack of control over his gob made him a less than attractive prospect for most teams, but a never-say-die attitude to last ditch defending has helped Melissa to keep one of the best defensive records in the league and Walker has fitted in perfectly to the Melissa side.

Daza 'I'll 'ave you' Butler. (GK)

Fancies Morten Gamst Pedersen

Butter Fingers Butler is another of the Melissa 'old guard', presiding over an eleven nil tanking back in September 2008. A series of excellent arguments with Walker has done nothing to affect their excellent partnership at the back and Melissa have become one of the hardest teams in the league to score against.

Tomo Grove 'Farm' THE West Brom fan.

"Boing Boing"

Possibly scorer of Melissa's best ever goal in a 3-5 defeat to Wildcats XD back in February 2009, Grove has been a Melissa regular from the start. The 'head-height rule' means that at VO5ft VO5, Grove is the only Melissa player able to head the ball. Not that he ever bothers as it'd ruin his hair. And we thought Butler was the poof.

Leigh 'Fenners' Baker. The lanky streak of piss.

alws txting on hs fone. dnt dstrb me. SEND!

Baker signed for Melissa mid-way through their first season as a striker. His vicious left boot caused Leisure Leagues to have to replace 3 nets in his first 2 weeks, in addition to almost knocking Pie and Cheeko out in consecutive weeks. Unfortunately, Baker can't put his mobile phone down which can result in much frustration for the Melissa management.

Dan 'Wind' Miller. The penalty king.

Never gets man of the match...

 

Ever.

An on-form Dan Miller is the most feared goal scorer in the country. A memorable 5 goals in one game against Inter St John's is the highlight of an exceptional career for Miller who has yet to be rewarded with a man of the match award. Miller's goalscoring bonus however is soon spent on his girlfriend's phone bill.

ALSO INTRODUCING....

Olly 'Squeaky' McClean.

*kid*

Almost as short as Grove, a better player than he thinks he is. Been with Melissa since the start.

Stephen 'sergent' Major. (PIRATE)

Sirius Star crew safe - Click for details

Pirate's external duties mean he is granted regular leave by the Melissa manager. Shame about the noise that comes out of the tin pot he drives.

Phil 'NY' Broadway.

"Ya promised me broadway was waiting for me"

Mr versatile. Loan signing.

Andy 'Kangaroo' Pouch.

"Then you've got yer labour and yer VAT on top" - AT 15%!!!

Pouchy plays at least 2 minutes a game before needing a fag.

Pete 'Sheer Luck' Holmes.(HOMEZ)

THE ROCK

A regular in Melissa's Thursday sister team, The Tangerine Dream, Homez is not someone you'd want coming at you at 30 mph.

Jamie Colley 'flower' (GK)

" The Cat "

Able deputy to the flawless Butler. Fortunately, the one game when they played a half each, Butler only conceded one goal to Colley's 2.

George Lavalette 'Live'

Emergency Loan Signing.

Occasional player, struggles to break out of the reserves.

Joe Grove 'Danger'

Asherah

Joe, brother of Tom. Tallest of the Grove brothers.

Grove III

Dan

Dan, brother of Joe, brother of Tom.

Ian 'Fleet' Wood (Mac).

Woody is on paternal duties and will be back with the 'lissa soon.

Also known as Mr 100%